The Power of Negative Thinking

In this time of uncertainly many of us are finding ways to cope. There is a lovely blog post on mindful.org entitled” Six Daily Questions to Ask Yourself While Social Distancing”.  intended to help us all focus on positive actions we can take to help us cope in this extremely stressful time. 

1. What am I grateful for today?

2. Who am I checking in on, or connecting with, today?

3. What expectations of “normal” am I letting go of today?

4. How am I getting outside today?

5. How am I moving my body today?

6. What beauty am I creating, cultivating, or inviting in today?

These are beautiful, gentle questions, and I love them. 

But today, it is snowing and cold. I am exhausted by the unknown.  I am feeling the impact of the stress. It would feel inauthentic and forced to answer these questions right now in the spirit in which they are intended.  My thoughts are more geared towards the negative. It turns out, that may not be a bad thing. 

New York University professor of psychology Dr. Gabriele Oettingen conducted a study to measure the impact of “expectation and fantasy” on weight loss. 

Our minds are so strong that she and her colleagues found that when people engaged only in positive thinking, they were less inclined to do the work necessary to achieve their results as they had tricked their minds into thinking they had already achieved their goals. 

On the flip side, dwelling only on the negative can also lead to paralysis and feeling overwhelmed.  What is needed is what Dr. Oettingen coined as “mental contrasting”.

Dr. Oettingen’s study indicated that by allowing yourself to explore what you desire and what may be the obstacles, you are 

• tuned in to the challenge ahead,

• able to identify solutions in advance of actual problem,

• prepared with a Plan B.

I am an operations consultant, and I work with teams to improve their individual, team and organizational effectiveness.  Every group I have worked with embraces this model and expresses a feeling of relief.  They don’t want to be seen as negative, or that they aren’t a team player.  For some people, the obstacles pop up naturally, and they feel forced to suppress them in order to be accepted. 

I introduce the exercise as the “Power of Negative Thinking”. It gets everyone attention and flips the standard trope “The Power of Positive Thinking” on its head.  

Asking questions like, “What can go wrong?” “Why won’t this work?” “What am I nervous about?” or everyone’s favorite, “Tell Me What You Hate About This” gives the group permission to identify the obstacles without being seen as negative. Once they give voice to the challenges, they are ready to address the issues realistically. 

I set a time limit for the exercise and explain that we don’t going to set up camp in the land of negativity.  It more like pulling over at the “scenic overlook”.  We take in the view and then make meaning of it. The goal is to remove the obstacles and move forward. 

In this process, I have found the people who weren’t engaged because they didn’t buy in to the positivity were much more willing to jump in because they felt the plan was fully informed and therefore realistic. And, it was. 

I did this exercise with a team that was trying to implement a new technology within their organization. The project had stalled for two years due to an internal lack of agreement.  Within two months of having this discussion, the obstacles had been removed and the technology quickly moved from development to test.

If you are having a hard time staying positive in this time of “stay at home”, give yourself the gift of mental contrasting.  

1

What am I grateful for today?

What am I afraid of at this time?

2

Who am I checking in on, or connecting with, today

Who am I most worried about, and why?

3

What expectations of “normal” am I letting go of today?

What do I need to keep “normal”, or what does the loss of normal mean to me?

4

How am I getting outside today?

What would prevent me from getting outside today?

5

How am I moving my body today?

What gets in the way of me moving my body today?

6

What beauty am I creating, cultivating, or inviting in today?

What drama am I creating, cultivating, or inviting in today?

Start with the question that feels most comfortable to you, and then answer the other side.  

Giving voice to your fears or discomfort rather than suppressing them allows you to uncover what could hold you back. Once you have answered both, you may find you have a realistic plan for the day that you like and can act upon, without the pressure of “being positive”.

These are times of uncertainty.  Even if you are healthy and employed, you may know someone who could be at risk if they became ill, or whose income is impacted.  We all need patience and kindness at this time, towards ourselves, and each other. 

Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash